Stop saying ‘don’t cry’—to raise confident, emotionally intelligent kids, use these 5 phrases instead
In a world where emotional intelligence is increasingly recognized as essential for healthy development, the way we respond to children’s feelings can significantly impact their emotional well-being. Therapist and child life specialist Kelsey Mora highlights a common phrase often used by adults: “Don’t cry,” which can inadvertently suggest to children that their emotions and tears are not valid. Instead of dismissing their feelings, Mora emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and validating children’s emotions. By doing so, we not only foster a supportive environment but also teach kids that it’s perfectly acceptable to express their feelings, whether they’re happy, sad, or frustrated.
Mora suggests alternative responses that encourage emotional expression and understanding. Instead of telling a child to stop crying, adults can offer comforting phrases like, “I can see that you’re really upset right now. It’s okay to cry,” or “What happened that made you feel this way?” Such responses validate the child’s emotions and open up a dialogue about their feelings, which can help them process their experiences more effectively. This approach not only helps to normalize emotional expression but also reinforces the idea that feelings are a natural part of life. By modeling empathy and understanding, caregivers can equip children with the tools they need to navigate their emotions throughout their lives.
Moreover, Mora’s insights serve as a reminder that emotional literacy is a skill that can be nurtured from a young age. By creating a safe space for children to express their emotions, we help them develop resilience and a healthy relationship with their feelings. Encouraging open conversations about emotions can lead to better coping strategies and improved mental health outcomes as they grow. Ultimately, understanding and validating a child’s emotional experiences is a powerful way to support their emotional development and help them feel heard and valued in a world that often pressures them to suppress their feelings.
This phrase “can make kids feel like their emotions and tears aren’t okay,” says therapist and child life specialist Kelsey Mora. Here’s what to say instead.
