I got divorced and moved to Paris at 57. I’m happy I retired in Europe, but life abroad isn’t always a fairytale.
In an inspiring personal journey, Lisa La Valle, a 64-year-old former expat career coach, shares her experiences of moving from New Jersey to Paris in 2018 and later to Brescia, Italy, in 2021. After a divorce, La Valle sought a fresh start and a break from the pressures of American life, including high living costs and healthcare worries. Her initial move to Paris was fueled by a long-held dream, but she soon realized that the romanticized image of the city didn’t align with her reality. La Valle describes her initial enchantment with Paris, where she was captivated by its beauty, but this “Paris Syndrome” faded as she faced the cynicism of the city and the challenges of forming meaningful connections as an expat. Despite making friends and enjoying her role as an English teacher, she felt a persistent sense of isolation and unease.
In 2021, La Valle made the pivotal decision to relocate to Brescia, Italy, where she found a more welcoming atmosphere and a comfortable lifestyle that better suited her needs. With a job lined up teaching English literature at an international school, she experienced a smoother transition, benefiting from financial stability and a supportive community. Living in Brescia, she enjoys a modern apartment at a fraction of the cost she paid in Paris, allowing her to save money while enjoying a higher quality of life. La Valle reflects on the differences between her experiences in Europe now compared to her youth, noting that while the continent has changed, her decision to embrace a new life in Italy has been rewarding. She emphasizes the importance of being prepared for the realities of moving abroad, acknowledging that while it can be challenging, the rewards of following one’s dreams can lead to a fulfilling life.
Lisa La Valle
Courtesy of Lisa La Valle
Lisa La Valle, 64, moved to Paris in 2018 seeking a fresh start after separating from her husband.
Paris didn’t meet her expectations, and in 2021, she moved to Brescia, Italy.
Moving to a new country has its highs and lows, but La Valle said she doesn’t regret her choice.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Lisa La Valle, 64, who moved from New Jersey to Paris in 2018 and now lives in Brescia, Italy. La Valle retired in 2023, but still works part-time as an English teacher and is
an author who writes
about culture and the expat experience. This conversation has been edited for length and clarity.
I lived abroad for the first time at 24. I did my final university semester
in Athens, Greece
, and I loved it so much that I said, “I’m just going to stay” — and I did, for two years.
I eventually moved back to the US and
settled in New Jersey
. I got married, had kids, started a career as an expat career coach, and spent many years working and traveling around the world.
My ex-husband and I always dreamed of
moving to Europe
once our children were older.
When we divorced, I looked ahead at the rest of my life and thought, “I’ll be damned if I spend the next 30 years in New Jersey.” I didn’t want to worry about affording healthcare or staying in the rat race to keep up with the high cost of living. So, in 2018, at the age of 57, I kept the dream alive and purchased a one-way ticket to Paris.
The Seine River in Paris, France.
David Briard/Getty Images
I have lived in Europe for eight years,
first in Paris
and now in Italy.
Moving to a new country
is always an adventure, but there’s a difference between doing it at 24 and at 57.
In my 20s, I immersed myself in Greek culture rather than being “me.” Now I’m more fully formed as a woman; I came to Europe to breathe, to find myself, and to see whether I could do it.
Paris wasn’t what I’d hoped for
There’s a phenomenon called
Paris Syndrome
: a shock that hits when your Paris bubble, the fantasy of what the city should be like, pops. It happened to me.
When I first moved to Paris in 2018, I sometimes had to pinch myself. I remember crossing the statues on
Pont Neuf
and crying at the beauty. But after nine months, the rose-colored glasses came off.
Some places are great at exporting a brand — the American dream, the romantic Parisian dream — but it doesn’t always reflect reality.
I eventually realized that life and the people in France are just like everywhere else. The glamorized version seen on
Netflix’s Emily in Paris
couldn’t be further from the truth — and no, not everyone looks like Jane Birkin.
La Valle’s former apartment complex in France.
Courtesy of Lisa La Valle
What wore me down most about living in France was the cynicism. In many ways, Paris felt like a private club, and I was not invited.
Forming friendships in a new country
can be a challenging experience. Although I’m willing to befriend anyone, I know not everyone is, and being an expat can be an extraordinarily isolating and lonely experience for some people.
I lived in Paris
for four years, and overall, I had a good life. I made some close friends and enjoyed teaching English at several schools, including the International School of Paris. But still, I never got the feeling that it was where I wanted to stay forever.
I feel at home in Italy
The Rocca Calascio, a medieval fortress, located in L’Aquila, Abruzzo.
Courtesy of Lisa La Valle
I moved to Italy
in 2021 after accepting a job teaching English literature at an international high school. This was before I took early retirement; I was still working about 20 hours a week and earning about $1,500 a month.
I think it’s much easier to move to a new place when you have a job lined up. You have a financial safety net, a social network, and sometimes even a place to live. That security turns the risk into a calculated one.
I am a third-generation Italian. My ancestors left Italy in search of a better life in the United States. Ironically, a century later,
I became a reverse immigrant
.
I live in Brescia, in the North between Milan and Verona. There isn’t the chaos of the touristy South, and, beyond the Old City, it is distinctly modern — more like a Northern European city than the Italian cliché.
Brescia, Italy.
Feng Wei Photography/Getty Images
After experiencing the “Hollywood version” of Europe, with its cobblestone streets and lantern-lit homes, I’m grateful to live in a modern, fully refurbished apartment in Brescia.
I have a big living room with terracotta tiles, a kitchen, a full bathroom, a wide hallway with floor-to-ceiling windows, a large bedroom, and a terrace. It feels like a hotel, but I pay only €550 ($636.60) a month in rent.
In Paris, my rent was $1,200 a month. I really had to work my ass off; it’s one of the reasons I left there. Here in Brescia, I’m saving money, and I also feel welcomed, whereas in Paris, I used to be filled with anxiety.
‘I feel as if my DNA has been rearranged’
Everyone knows about
the American Dream
: get married, have kids, build a career. I think a lot of people in the United States are waking up to the reality that it isn’t working anymore, or it doesn’t exist the way it did for their parents. That’s why we’re seeing people with the means to move abroad actually do it.
I’m all for following your dreams, but brace yourself — it’s not always easy moving to a new country. In many ways, it might not live up to your expectations.
Lisa La Valle at the Oratorio di San Giorgio in Padua, Italy.
Courtesy of Lisa La Valle
While Europe has given me the quality of life I envisioned — the transportation is excellent, the healthcare system is solid, the food is fresh, and people are polite — I’m living in a different Europe than the one I experienced in Athens in 1984. It’s taken some time to adjust.
Still, I feel like I have a great life.
I’m retired now
and have been receiving Social Security for the past two years, so I work part-time. I don’t make a lot, but the lower cost of living makes life much easier. I don’t feel like I have to struggle financially, like I would have had to in the US.
I feel as if my DNA has been rearranged. I definitely wish I had moved sooner, but I had obligations — now, not so much.
When I go back to the US, it’s like slipping into an old shoe, but I don’t feel nostalgic or as if I’m missing out. I don’t wonder, “Did I make the right decision?” If anything, the visit reaffirms that I did.
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