I’ve been a military spouse for 7 years. It’s harder than I ever could’ve imagined.
In a heartfelt reflection on the challenges of being a military spouse, Allie Hubers shares her journey alongside her husband, an Air Force officer. From the onset of their relationship, when they met in college during his time in the Reserve Officer Training Corps (ROTC), Allie envisioned a life filled with shared dreams and adventure. However, the reality of military life has proven to be far more complex and emotionally taxing than she anticipated. The couple has navigated numerous deployments, relocations, and the emotional toll that comes with being separated from loved ones. Allie emphasizes that while they have formed lifelong friendships within the military community, the pain of saying goodbye to friends and family never truly diminishes.
One of the most profound challenges Allie highlights is the impact of deployments. She describes the heart-wrenching experience of communicating through fleeting video calls, missing significant life events, and grappling with grief alone. The emotional weight of preparing for a deployment—organizing wills and life insurance—adds another layer of stress, often overlooked by those outside the military community. Furthermore, the struggle doesn’t end upon her husband’s return; reintegrating into a shared life after deployment can be just as daunting. Allie poignantly expresses the heartache of being far from family, witnessing the passage of time and changes in loved ones from a distance, and the helplessness that accompanies significant life events.
Despite these challenges, Allie and her husband have learned to appreciate the present and give themselves grace as they navigate their unique path. They have come to terms with the unpredictability of military life, recognizing that while their dreams of adventure have come true in some respects, they have also faced sacrifices and uncertainties that were not part of their initial vision. Allie’s story serves as a powerful reminder of the resilience required to thrive as a military spouse, highlighting both the struggles and the unexpected joys that come from living a life dedicated to service and commitment. In the end, she encourages others in similar situations to embrace the present and cherish the moments they have with family and friends, no matter how fleeting they may be.
I’ve been married to an Air Force officer for years, and I never could’ve imagined how challenging and unpredictable our life would be.
Allie Hubers
I never could’ve imagined how challenging and unpredictable life would be as a
military spouse
.
Deployments are so hard, we miss living near family, and we hate constantly saying bye to friends.
We’ve learned to appreciate the present while also giving ourselves grace for the path we chose.
Telling a military spouse, “You signed up for this,” is one of the most dismissive things you can say.
In reality, no one and nothing can prepare you for
life as an active-duty spouse
.
I met my husband in college when he was a cadet in the
Reserve Officer Training Corps
(ROTC), and from the start, we shared big dreams of building a life together.
I watched him work hard to earn a highly coveted pilot training slot in college, and eventually commission as an Air Force officer one week before our wedding.
Since then, we’ve lived in three homes and moved across the country for his job. Between deployments, monthslong trainings, and multiple moves, our life feels anything but normal.
I thought I knew what to expect from this lifestyle, but I was wrong.
Though we’ve
met lifelong friends
and made the most of our active-duty life, being a military spouse has been harder than I could’ve imagined.
I wasn’t prepared for how brutal deployments would be
Deployments have been the worst part. It’s tough to go from having him be a constant presence in our home to just seeing him for a few short minutes on FaceTime each day.
Allie Hubers
My husband has deployed a few times, and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through.
During deployment, it felt like our home was drained of the life and love that he brings to it. My world seemed to stand still, and I had to slowly and painfully learn how to navigate life without him.
Milestones, both big and small, were reduced to messages and phone calls. I remember tearfully breaking the news of my grandpa’s passing on the phone, aching for us to be together to grieve.
The pain of deployments lingers far beyond the actual time apart. The emotional weight begins months before you say goodbye with daunting tasks like drafting wills and
arranging life insurance
.
Few people mention the challenges of post-deployment reintegration and navigating how to piece back your life to a sense of normality.
We deeply miss living close to family
We’re constantly juggling my husband’s vacation time between holidays, trips, family emergencies, and weddings.
Allie Hubers
We’re very close to our families in the Midwest, and it’s heartbreaking to watch life continue back home without us.
Though we prioritize
returning to the Midwest
for holidays and weddings, we still miss the smaller milestones. With each visit, we notice our parents and grandparents quietly aging, and it’s painful to feel so far away.
In moments when our families need support, the distance can be stifling and leave us feeling helpless.
Saying goodbye to friends hasn’t gotten easier
In the military, friends quickly become family as you bond over shared experiences and a mutual understanding of military life.
Over the past seven years, we’ve formed some of our closest
friendships through the military
, but saying goodbye hasn’t gotten any easier.
I’ve sobbed into my best friend’s shoulder as we parted ways before her overseas move. My husband and I have stood on countless driveways, watching our friends’ moving trucks come and go.
We’ve held back tears while helping our friends pack their home into stacked boxes.
As a military spouse,
finding your support system
and starting over can be exhausting. The more I say goodbye to friends, the less enthusiastic I am about making new ones.
However, one silver lining is having friends scattered around the globe to visit — and there’s always a chance we could get stationed together again.
Our life rarely feels like it’s in our control
We’ve had to move several times.
Allie Hubers
My husband might have signed on the dotted line for his contract, but the military affects both of us. As a military spouse, you give up some of your own freedom to support your partner’s service and commitment.
Even simple things, like planning a quick weekend trip or attending a wedding, require prior approval. Travel must always be authorized, and without that approval, it’s considered an unexcused absence with serious consequences.
Our lives can also change with very little notice. Though we can share our preferences, ultimately, the military’s needs take priority.
We’ve built a life we love here in Florida, but there’s always uncertainty looming about what our future holds.
We’re trying to give grace to our younger selves
We’ve learned to give ourselves grace for making life-altering decisions while still being young and naive.
Allie Hubers
My husband
committed to ROTC
at 19 years old, just a few months before we met. Later in college, he received his dream assignment to train to be an active-duty pilot. He gleefully accepted his admission — and everything that comes with it.
In reality, it’s hard to grasp what a 10-year military commitment really entails as a college kid.
We dreamed of a life filled with adventure and travel. And while some of that has been true, we’ve also experienced the weight of sacrifice and uncertainty that we didn’t fully anticipate.
In many ways, we were young and naive, and it’s OK to admit life looks different than we envisioned.
Over the years, my husband and I have learned to live more in the present, appreciate the precious time we have with family, and worry less about the future.
Read the original article on
Business Insider
