I spent 22 years as a military wife. After our divorce, I finally lived the dream we’d planned together.
In a heartfelt narrative, Bryanne Salazar shares her transformative journey following the end of her 25-year marriage, which concluded after her husband’s military retirement. After dedicating over two decades to supporting her husband’s career and raising their children, Bryanne found herself at a crossroads when their relationship deteriorated. The divorce, finalized in February 2022, marked a pivotal moment in her life. Seeking solace and a fresh start, she moved to Hawaii to live with a recently widowed friend. This new chapter allowed her to focus on self-discovery, healing, and redefining her identity beyond being a military wife and mother. Through therapy, exercise, and nurturing female friendships, Bryanne began to reclaim her life, ultimately realizing that her happiness depended on prioritizing her own needs.
Emboldened by her newfound resilience, Bryanne embarked on a solo trip to Thailand and Vietnam, a journey that symbolized her commitment to living life on her own terms. Arriving in Bangkok just before her 43rd birthday, she was immediately captivated by the culture and the freedom of traveling alone. Each experience—from being pampered by a massage therapist in Chiang Mai to exploring the vibrant streets of Hanoi—reinforced her sense of independence and self-worth. Notably, a motorcycle tour with a local named Lee, who shared stories of his family’s struggles during the Vietnam War, resonated deeply with Bryanne. It mirrored her own journey of overcoming adversity and rebuilding her life. Concluding her trip with a serene cruise in Ha Long Bay, she reflected on her growth and the adventures she had bravely sought out. Back in Hawaii, Bryanne decided to embrace her next chapter as a freelance writer and book editor, fully committed to living authentically and on her own terms.
Bryanne’s story is a powerful reminder of the strength found in vulnerability and the importance of self-discovery after life-altering changes. Her journey not only highlights the challenges faced by many military spouses but also serves as an inspiring testament to the transformative power of travel and self-empowerment. As she steps into this new phase of her life, Bryanne encourages others to embrace their own journeys of self-exploration, proving that it’s never too late to reclaim your identity and pursue your dreams.
Bryanne Salazar on a log bridge on Cát Bà island in Vietnam.
Provided by Bryanne Salazar
After 22 years as a military wife, Bryanne Salazar’s marriage ended after her husband retired.
After moving to Hawaii, she booked a solo
trip to Thailand and Vietnam
to conquer her fears.
The journey taught her how to live on her own terms.
For 22 years, I was a military wife, putting aside my needs to support my husband’s career — all for the promise that after retirement, when our children were grown, we’d travel the world together.
In 2018, retirement finally came, and not long after, our nearly 25-year marriage crumbled. When his military career ended, it felt like he lost his sense of purpose. I tried to hold things together, but the unhappiness and bitter fights left me drowning, too.
It wasn’t love that kept me there, but fear. I came from a toxic home and no longer had contact with my family, so I worried that without my husband and children, I’d have no one. That fear kept me complacent until the pain of staying was greater than the fear of leaving.
Our
divorce was finalized
in February of 2022, and just before, I had
moved to Hawaii
to stay with a recently widowed woman.
I gave myself a year to heal
It was time to figure out who I was on my own. I walked for exercise, but over time it became an act of penance.
Some days I covered more than 12 miles, each step bringing realizations about my marriage and myself. I realized that I’d been a people-pleaser who sacrificed my own needs for others, only to resent them for it.
During that year, I dove into therapy, read voraciously, leaned on
female friendships
, and stayed close to my sons through video calls and visits. I worked hard to unlearn the habit of putting everyone first, but me.
Near the end of 2022, I was fulfilled but restless — ready for something new.
Salazar on a bridge in Bangkok at the beginning of her trip.
Provided by Bryanne Salazar
First stop: Thailand
On December 31, I booked a
solo flight to Bangkok
. I had little savings but wanted to see the world.
When I told friends and family, everyone — including my adult sons — asked if I was afraid. I was nervous, but fear was no longer in the driver’s seat of my life.
“You’re so brave, Mom,” my oldest son told me. I may not have felt it then, but I promised I would be what he saw in me.
Two days before my 43rd birthday, I landed in Bangkok. I was consumed by the food and temples, and by the freedom of being entirely on my own.
Salazar got her hair braided by a former prisoner in Chiang Mai.
Provided by Bryanne Salazar
Six days later, in
Chiang Mai
, I visited a massage studio that employed former female prisoners. My late mother had once been incarcerated, and I felt drawn to the place. After the massage, my masseuse asked if she could braid my hair — that small act of kindness made me cry.
In Thailand, I felt free. Some days I slept late and ate too much; others I explored sacred sites. It was the first trip I’d ever taken where I didn’t have to conform to someone else’s desires.
I was living for me.
Salazar got a motorcycle Lee in Hanoi.
Provided by Bryanne Salazar
Second stop: Vietnam
Eleven days later, I
flew to Hanoi
and was struck by the city’s chaotic yet charming atmosphere. Crossing the streets felt like an act of courage — all it took was confidence and a steady pace forward.
One afternoon, I hopped on the back of a motorcycle with a kind man named Lee, who offered to show me his city. Instead of landmarks, he took me to the sites where bombs had struck during the Vietnam War. He told me that his family had fled to Cambodia during the city’s destruction.
“Hanoi people are strong,” Lee told me. He was right. They had lost everything and rebuilt. I realized the city’s vibrant pulse came from determination and grit — from picking up the pieces and starting over.
In a small way, I was doing the same.
She went kayaking around Ha Long Bay in Vietnam.
Provided by Bryanne Salazar
Ready to start over
I ended my trip with a cruise and some kayaking on
Ha Long Bay
, where the quiet and gray skies gave me time to reflect. I hadn’t just dreamed of adventure; I made it happen and proved my son right.
Once
home in Hawaii
, I decided to bring my gap year to a close and restart my career as a freelance writer and book editor. It was time to get back to the business of living — but this time, on my terms.
Do you have a story about taking a gap year that you want to share? Get in touch with the editor:
akarplus@businessinsider.com
.
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