During the holidays, I host my friends and family together. We all enjoy being together, and the dynamics are more fun.
In a heartfelt reflection on holiday traditions, Jane Ridley shares her transformative journey from intimate family gatherings to a vibrant celebration filled with friends. Living thousands of miles away from her family in the UK, Ridley and her husband initially spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with just their two children, which, over time, led to a sense of isolation. With only a handful of shared holidays in the past two decades, the joy of the season began to feel forced and monotonous. The couple’s limited guest list often left them yearning for the warmth and laughter typically associated with holiday festivities, making their celebrations feel indistinguishable from ordinary days.
The turning point came during the pandemic in 2020, when Ridley welcomed an au pair from Chile into their home. This new addition not only expanded their family dynamic but also opened the door to a more inclusive holiday experience. With a spirit of generosity, Ridley invited friends and colleagues who were unable to celebrate with their loved ones due to COVID-19 restrictions. The result was a lively Thanksgiving gathering that included nine guests, each contributing unique stories and experiences. The lively conversation, engaging games, and shared laughter created an atmosphere that completely dispelled Ridley’s homesickness, marking it as the best Thanksgiving of her life.
Since then, Ridley has embraced the idea of opening her home to a broader circle of friends and acquaintances, transforming the holidays into a joyous celebration of community and connection. She eagerly anticipates future gatherings, emphasizing that her home is now a place where friends are not just welcomed but celebrated. This newfound approach to the holidays has enriched her family’s experience, proving that sometimes, the spirit of the season is best captured not just with family, but with a diverse group of friends who bring their own warmth and joy to the table. As she prepares for the upcoming festivities, Ridley reflects on how her holiday traditions have evolved, and she expresses excitement for the new memories yet to be made.
The author prefers to invite as many friends as possible to celebrate the holidays at her home.
Jane Ridley
Both sides of our family live thousands of miles away, making it difficult for us to get together.
It was usually just the four of us celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas in our home each year.
We opened up the holidays to friends and friends of friends, and wouldn’t go back to the way things were.
A 28-year-old international college student lives in our home in the suburbs of New York City. He’s smart, fun, hilarious, and very low-maintenance.
So, when he made a big deal of asking me a favor last month, I was surprised to see his face looking so serious. He seemed to choose his words carefully, “Would it be OK if one of my friends came
for Thanksgiving?
”
“Of course,” I said, without hesitation. Then I gently scolded him for thinking, even for a second, that I might say “no.” I assumed he’d been around me long enough to know that I not only
love
having non-family members visit for the holidays, but I
live
for it.
I live far away from my family
I’ve only spent Christmas with my family 3 times in the past 20 years. There are complex reasons for this, which other immigrants like me to the US might find easier to understand.
First, there has been a 3,000-mile distance between my father, mother, sister, and brother-in-law and me ever since I moved to the US from my native UK in May of 2005. During those 20 years, we’ve spent Christmas together only three times — twice in Northern England, and once in
Stowe, Vermont
, when we combined the festivities with a skiing trip.
The jollity could feel a bit forced
My husband’s side of the family lives on the West Coast — almost as far away as mine — so we’ve celebrated very few holidays with my in-laws as well.
For years, our Thanksgiving and
Christmas tables
were set for just four — my husband, our daughter, our son, and me. While I was grateful that we had each other, these intimate occasions sometimes felt too, well, intimate. The conversation was run-of-the-mill, and the jollity felt a bit forced.
As time went on, after the initial burst of good food aor gift-giving, both the third Thursday of November and December 25 became less distinguishable from other days.
Thanksgiving was extra special because of the party games, which had more than the usual number of players.
Courtesy of the author.
The kids would get bored and bicker. I’d complain because my husband wanted to watch American football — never my thing — on the TV. It made me feel
homesick in New York
and left me feeling alienated.
Then 2020 changed everything. COVID was a terrible ordeal, but it created opportunities I hadn’t anticipated.
By then, our immediate family had grown to five members because we had a new
au pair from Chile
. At last, we had someone else to celebrate the holidays with. It was made all the more special because we went all out on the decorations and traditions to show her the true essence of the American holidays.
The dynamics changed with more people around
But, to my delight, there were a total of seven place settings for Thanksgiving that November. Our au pair invited her best friend, and I invited a colleague who was unable to be with his family due to COVID-19 restrictions.
After the meal, we were joined by a second colleague and the son of a friend who made a last-minute train journey from Brooklyn to visit on a whim.
The dynamics changed. Each of the nine people at the gathering brought something special along with them. The conversation was full of
anecdotes and stories
we’d never heard before; the kids were fascinated by the company and didn’t even think to whine; we even played English parlor games like charades. I didn’t feel homesick at all.
I want to invite as many friends and friends of friends as possible
It was the best Thanksgiving of my life — an experience I wanted us to repeat on subsequent holidays. Ever since, we’ve made a point of inviting as many friends and friends of friends as we can possibly manage.
I’ll never go back to hosting “just us,” and I look forward to welcoming our brand-new guest next week.
Read the original article on
Business Insider
