We moved across an ocean last year. Creating community as a young queer family has been hard work, but so worthwhile.
In a heartfelt exploration of community-building, Sam McEvans shares the journey of relocating from San Francisco to Bristol, UK, with his husband and toddler. The transition to this vibrant port city, known for its rich counterculture and artistic legacy as the birthplace of Banksy, has been both rewarding and challenging. Although the family was excited about their new life, they faced the emotional difficulty of leaving behind loved ones and a supportive network in America. To counter this, they actively sought out connections in Bristol, finding solace in shared experiences with other LGBTQ+ families through coffee mornings and citywide WhatsApp groups.
Emphasizing the importance of community, the McEvans adopted a proactive approach to meet their neighbors and forge new friendships. They hosted casual gatherings, complete with tea and biscuits, which led to warm welcomes from locals eager to connect. Their efforts extended beyond social gatherings; they engaged in outdoor activities, such as a weekly kid-friendly race and fitness boot camps, which not only boosted their physical health but also fostered camaraderie with other families. Seasonal events, like Halloween parties and the upcoming Pride celebrations, further enriched their social landscape, providing opportunities to bond and celebrate with their new friends. Through these experiences, the McEvans have cultivated a sense of belonging in Bristol, proving that with a little boldness and creativity, building a supportive community is possible, even in a new city.
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Sam McEvans
We
made a transatlantic move
from San Francisco to Bristol, a port city in the UK.
Missing familiar faces and a network of fellow parents, we’ve worked hard to build community here.
An LGBTQ+ family coffee morning, improv classes, and fitness groups helped us meet people fast.
As former San Franciscans, my husband, toddler, and I quickly felt at home in Bristol.
The progressive UK port city boasts an iconic suspension bridge, heaps of counterculture, and — not least because it’s the birthplace of Banksy — a vibrant creative scene.
We’ve found comfort in these parallels, but we’ve faced challenges, too. One of the hardest parts was leaving behind my loving in-laws and the robust community of friends I’d met during my decade living in America.
What’s more, I grew up on the opposite side of England, which means Bristol is a new place for all of us.
Since arriving in the South West last year, we’ve worked tirelessly to find a new circle of friendly faces and allies who embrace and understand us as a
queer family
. Sadly, it’s not something we can ever assume will automatically be the case.
Bristolians welcomed us with open arms and open minds — once we bribed them with tea and biscuits
Upon arrival, we moved into a cozy Victorian terraced house on a densely populated street. We’d heard again and again that in big cities, people don’t really know their neighbors, but we wanted to challenge that stereotype.
A few weeks after moving in, we sent notes — and cookies — to people in the neighborhood, inviting folks to share a Saturday morning cuppa on our front doorstep.
The response was overwhelmingly positive. People were eager to meet and chat, and we found that sometimes all it takes is a little boldness (or shamelessness) to make the first move.
We also found a monthly coffee morning for LGBTQ+ families in our area, which became an instant support network for us, and joined a citywide WhatsApp group for queer parents.
As a queer family, sometimes it can feel disheartening when we feel like the odd ones out in the playground, at
parenting groups
, or during drop-off, but discovering other families that look like ours is always affirming.
By taking turns as ‘babysitter,’ we salvaged our social lives and explored our new city
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Sam McEvans
It can be challenging to maintain a social life as young parents, and even harder to
meet new people
.
Because building community was so important to us, we came up with a game plan. By taking turns staying at home with our sleeping toddler, we’ve both been able to regularly spend social time with other adults multiple times a week.
From board-game nights and volunteering to trying out
improv classes
, we’ve pushed ourselves to leave our comfort zones and meet new people. Improv, in particular, has given me a lot of newfound confidence, along with friends.
It’s
time away from my spouse
, but I ultimately find that it nourishes our marriage and family life because I come home recharged and energized.
We learned that recurring outdoor activities help us build friendships
As we’ve settled in, our family’s mental and physical well-being has been boosted by time together outdoors. Beyond the health benefits, the best part has been the continuity of meeting the same people and parents in the same place, week after week.
Every weekend, we attend a kid-friendly, 2-kilometer “race” in a nearby park. Dozens of families gather to complete the leafy circuit and cheer each other on. You can’t beat fresh air and the splash of muddy puddles in the rain.
Meanwhile, I’ve joined an outdoor fitness boot camp. My husband heads to a
running club
at dusk once a week. Both groups provide plenty of opportunity for conversation and camaraderie, which have helped us get to know others over time.
Seasonal festivities create opportunities for us to bond with other families
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Sam McEvans
As the seasons change, it’s clear that Bristol has so much going on year-round. We’re especially looking forward to Pride and the city’s famous hot-air-balloon festival each summer, when around 100 colorful balloons ascend over the iconic Clifton Suspension Bridge.
Festive occasions, such as our recent Halloween party, have been the perfect excuse to invite new friends to gather together. Surrounded by spooky decorations, I loved seeing our daughter laugh and play with her new pals.
These moments reassured me that our efforts have paid off, and we’re building the kind of life we hoped for.
With each passing day in this city, I realize there’s much more to Bristol than Banksy and its famous bridge. I am grateful to have found a community of warm, welcoming people where our transatlantic queer family can truly thrive.
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